Surrender (I): The First Step Into the Unknown
Letting go of control is terrifying. It's a skill I'm still learning, a constant battle against the part of my mind that insists on knowing every single step before I even begin. My planner holds a reminder: "Accept that I don't know everything and that is okay; everything will be revealed in time."
And yet, my perfectionism, my fear of making mistakes, keeps me caught in a current of indecision. I spend weeks in a loop of research and reiteration, taking steps so small they feel more like standing still. This fear can be paralyzing, a silent block that keeps me from embracing change as quickly as I'd like. I wake up weeks later, flooded with clarity, only to realize I've lost precious time circling the same ideas instead of simply doing and perfecting as I go.
But then, magic happens.
There are moments when I allow myself to take that fearful first step, and a new journey begins. One of these moments—one of these conscious acts of letting go—led me to my drawing, Surrender.
During a brainstorming session, instead of writing a list of ideas, I started sketching thumbnails. This image took shape: a woman lying on a riverbank, her hair flowing in the water. Unconsciously, I drew her surroundings as a safe, secret haven, a place guarding her while she lay vulnerable, eyes closed, lost in a meditative state. The image took hold of me, sparking excitement. I knew the mood and atmosphere I wanted to create.
From there, I embarked into the unknown. I started problem solving every single step, because for the first time in my art practice, I knew the end result but not how to get there. I didn’t lead with the technique, but with the feeling.
The embodiment of Nigredo
I believe it is fitting that Surrender marks a new beginning for me. It is my first large artwork, the first in an alchemy-inspired series, and an embodiment of Nigredo—the clearing away of old forms so something new can emerge. It serves as a powerful manifesto for trusting my instincts. It is a reminder that sometimes taking a single step is enough. The next steps will follow, and you'll figure out the way as you go.
Of course, doubt still creeps in. There’s this question that keeps popping up in my mind: “How did I end up here? Is this the road I was meant to take or did I just let myself be swept away?” Anxiety makes me stop, reassess, and try to find my footing, searching for signs that I am on the right path.
But I keep reminding myself that I have more wisdom and knowledge than I give myself credit for. Deep down, I know my needs, my purpose, and what makes me feel complete. When doubt starts to creep in, it’s a sign to look inward, to use my intuition as a compass rather than searching for external signs.
“Surrender” is about that threshold between fear and trust - between unraveling and renewal. It’s a reminder that peace often finds us only after we release the need to know what comes next. Real change asks for acceptance.
For me, this drawing is about embracing the uncertainty of change. It taught me patience, to trust my intuition, and to fear a little less.
Details
A4 size (21×29.7 cm): Limited edition of 50 prints. Print size: 18.7×27.7 cm, for a 30×40 cm frame, 20×28.7 cm passe-partout
A3 size (29.7×42 cm): Limited edition of 35 prints. Print size: 26.5×37 cm, for a 40×50 cm frame, 28×38 cm passe-partout
Printed on Hahnemühle Photo Rag® 308 gsm, 100% cotton paper
Acid and lignin-free, museum quality for highest age resistance
Signed and numbered on the front of the print
Includes a signed Certificate of Authenticity
Shipping
Ships flat worldwide.
Please allow for 5-7 business days for your print to ship.
The shipping cost is calculated at checkout.
You’ll receive a tracking number via email once this print is safely on its way to you.
Estimated delivery: please allow 10-20 business days for travel time depending on your location.
Local pickup available in Cluj-Napoca, Romania.
Important Notes
Please note that colors may vary slightly due to different screen and device settings.
I'm glad the idea for this drawing was born in such a spontaneous way, and I'm even more grateful that I trusted myself, even when I wasn't sure if I could bring the image in my mind to life. These small victories are tokens of trust for my future self.
There's much more I want to share about Surrender, but I'll save a deep dive into its rich symbolism for the second part of this piece.
In the meantime, I'm curious: what does Surrender spark in you? When have you had to surrender control to create something beautiful?
With love,
Adina 🖤
